The lack of posts here lately is probably indicative of a general malaise/depression/fear I've been having.
Quantitatively, things aren't going that bad. I have an incoming O. Chem test in about two weeks, but until it gets here my GPA there is still an A. That test will be tough, but I think I can handle it ok if I start working hard now (which I have). My Cell Biology grade, and the effort I've put forth in that class, have both been lacking. But my grade there is no worse than a B (I got a 78% on that last test, by the way), and is almost certain to shoot up to an A- in the near future.
I just haven't been working all that hard on either course, which has got me feeling down on myself regardless of where grades actually stand. And I'm not sure my grades are indicative of anything either. I've pointed out the absurd grading system used here multiple times before - getting decent grades is something I /have/ to do, but it's not sufficient. And with little on my resume besides that time working at the hospital, I don't have much to back it up with apart from the possibility of the MCATs - and those are coming up way too fast.
I still haven't decided what to do for my test date, and I don't think there's anyway I'll come to some sort of wise decision. Taking it late would give me the most time to prepare, and I'd probably get ready for it, and I could get an extra year which would let me reapply for all those jobs with two year minimum requirements. But I've already put my career on hold for so long I really don't think I can stomach voluntarily pushing things off another year.
Taking the early MCAT means I'm fairly certain I won't be caught up on Physics though. And a bad score on it would effectively put things off another year anyways. The in between MCAT date /might/ give me enough time for physics, but it might not. And it would hurt my admissions chances more than they already are by virtue of having no resume.
I guess I need to make up my mind in the next few days, according to what I've posted on this site. I'm leaning towards the earliest date, and forcing myself into a "pass or crash" situation. Maybe that will re-motivate me. If it doesn't completely ruin everything.
I'll certainly have time to study for the MCATs at least, with only one course next semester (which I urgently need to remember to register for.... completely forgot until just now).
