Seasonal Affective Disorder maybe? I don't know, but lately I've been feeling like a broken car would, if a broken car could feel.
I knew it would take a long time to get to medical school (and an even longer time after that), but it just gets more and more frustrating. I've essentially been in college (or variations thereof) for the last 7 or so years. Even with things working out at their best, I'll be in courses with people 7 years younger than me for over a year. I have no guarantee at all of this working out, I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't, and I'm drained of my energy because I spending it all trying to do well in courses I'm just not good at.
Trying to do something you want is all well and good, but what if it's just not realistic? Millions of people probably just go on in life with jobs they're not in love with, why should it turn out different for me?
Then I get even more frustrated, because I'm only taking 8 credit hours. I'm a half-time student, and I feel this out-of-it? Is that even allowed? It probably isn't, so I start blaming myself for that too, and manage to make everything worse.
I've been falling asleep again with the pills, but they leave you miserably tired when you wake up if you can't get 10 hours of sleep or so. And I generally can't.
Physics Test 1 is next Friday. I'm not ready.
But hey - at least my cold is getting better.
